Ceol Mo Chridhe

Will you ever know. I don't think so.

Fixed lunch today-- Roast pumpkin and chestnut soup + wild rocket/arugula, pear and pecan salad with gorgonzola haphazardly crumbled atop. An attempt to channel my inner Nigella L & also eating healthier just before all the Xmas feasting. Well, guess this doesn't count after cheesecakes + udders ice cream tonight with the cousins.

POSITIVITY HELPS. IT REALLY DOES. 

lovely company these days, and more and more people are returning from the Outside World (overseas, haha) so.. yes. no more bitchfits and sudden moodswings, they tire me out immensely. guess it made me realise just how important self-reliance is.. maybe it's time to grow up. I need to believe that there's someone inside of me who knows what she's doing, and with that same resolute belief, give her all in everything.

wrote x'mas cards yesterday, will continue today and tomorrow.. out with the hmp class of '09 later (: 



EROICKEYS OF CLASS '09 (!!)
today was fantastic, you guys are really the ♥

...

and to end off with a most adorable picture: 



yes it is. 
you know I'm missing you (: 

All the cogitation these days have led me to many opinions that I'm struggling to figure. Perhaps, I just cannot comprehend the reasons for my actions, the "why" to what I've been doing of late when I know that there ain't going to be anything in the end. Just an imagination gone wild. & I should prevent it from sinking deeper, but controlling such emotions are hard to handle.
What do I do then. I cannot possibly forgo, yet neither can I possible attain. How hard a decision on whether to let it go. Or persist just a little harder with that dim array of hope?I honestly have no clue. One of my friends believe in doing what she thinks her heart wants to. Is it really true? Even if you know that chances are slim, & success would be miraculous? Would you still dare to step forward into the danger zone of a heartbreak?Believing is, perhaps a strong influence of choice. If I choose to believe, maybe I would persist.
Should I? The feeling of such wavering emotions can take a toll on people, especially people like me. It is as though your mind is playing with your heart repeatedly. And yet, no one knows because your brave front is so real. So sturdy. Yet deep inside you don't know where's the limit. Yet I don't believe in admitting to failure. Why do people call themselves losers? Because they don't believe. Failing once does not equate to failing forever. Why can't some people understand? A loser would stay one until he or she  steps out of their isolated world to take a peek at the humungous world right out there waiting for them. No one wants to stay a loser forever. & no one is born a loser. No one at all. Winners are meant to fail at least once in their lives to apprehend the feeling of failure so as to give them the spur to focus on the win.

Okay I'm ranting crap I should go sleep.

I have no idea what's wrong with me, and this is pretty frightening because I always know why there's "something wrong with me" but I can't figure out what it is this time. Also, I have a massive to-do list to complete, which includes planned-last-minute christmas shopping for like two people haha heavens to betsy so many things to do and I haven't done anything about them. (well I guess that's entirely my fault)

from end of last week,

national museum + ramen dinner
muji has cute xmas stuff, & I got myself a 2010 planner. And the museum has some pretty good exhibitions which made for a surprisingly good time! it's been ages since we've last had ramen, so we had to find our way purely by instinct and vague recollections. In the end, we both got the shop's name wrong (its ramen ken! no ... I rmb it was ken noodle house) Ordered an extra large bowl + gyoza to share. But bad move, we were so stuffed & unknowingly walked/talked all the way to Wisma-- where famous amos' cookies simply proved to be too tempting.

Went to Stjames today to watch a charity performance. Other than Kellie and the dancers, the rest of the show was pretty pathetic I must say. It was SO boring Sara & I kept walking around and trying to entertain ourselves.

Xmas is coming, so is 2010.
What a year.

How do you react to somethings that you don't exactly wish to happen, but is happening.
& how do you make things that you want to happen, happen?
I want_ to happen.
I don't really want __ to happen.

TIRED MUCH. :(

chingay rehearsal was really fun, intense at times. thanks for the good company (:


everything else.. isn't that great. 
how do you stand being broke/alone/helpless/frustrated at the same time?

sometimes i feel like i'm just some insignificant speck in this world that's ever so vast and boundless it's like i can disappear and no one will bother to notice. or bother to ask why. tonight's one of those times i just want to give everything up and scream my guts out.. and let the silent winds carry my cries to reach the hearts of others who may actually feel the same way. 

• 17:25 Wait 2 rush, rush 2 wait is army lingo. Same 4 flat. Wait 4 keys,rushes 2 get them; wait 4 id,rushes 2 get quotation; Now, bank loan wait... #

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Mum's a huge carrot cake lover, so her birthday cake this time was a no-brainer.
Moist and incredibly moreish, it was a simple two-layer cake was filled and frosted with a triple berry cream cheese frosting. (what's a carrot cake without the all-too-familiar philly frosting?) Fresh mixed berries was gently cooked & reduced into a compote and folded into the vanillabean-speckled frosting.
A last minute addition--passionfruit + mango glaze, made the sweet/sour combination pop in the mélange of flavours.

( Mise en place )

People get moving. 
There's a life waiting here. 
Get up. 
People start doing. 
There's a life waiting here.
 
When all our time's spent away..
We remember the loves of our past or just that love never lasts.

Can you tell me why this little life goes so fast?

Carolling's finally got into full swing and I'm rather exhausted from all the activity, but I can't sleep at the moment because of my screwed up sleep cycle, so I shall post here. And I've been coming home past midnight these few days, but not to my parents' consternation because for the first time in my life I've been given a house key. Being 18 has never felt so real. :D

Also I just had supper at Geylang after our carolling engagement, and someone was rather intrigued about seeing the red light district (not to mention one of my friends actually got grabbed by a hooker). Walking along Geylang all the way from Lor 28 to 9 was quite an experience, though it made some of us feel quite like tourists. Still, it was worth the walk for the food; thank goodness I was no longer febrile (hurhur) by then.

And for now I shall try to get some sleep.

whoo
ive quit thai express le ^^
going overseas to china nxt week for about a week
i dont wana go lor
i will miss my babyyy ]: and my steadd and my sisterss
ltr i come back baby dowan me how!
but he say u wont be like that de haha


i will back to get my pay n allowance n lotsa money for shopping!! hahah xD
then cny will be coming and i hv moolah cos got angbao.
butbut cny first day is on 14/2.
deardear cnnt spend vday ]: irritating lorrr blehss

k la i super super sleepy now
im gna go get some sleep then wait for deardear come back from chu shi
i love my dear dear! h.e <3

sometimes i wish ur temper wasnt like that
sometimes i wish u can understand me so that we wont hv so much conflict
i dont even know if u'll miss me when im gone
cos aft all u do hv the other half of urs, not just me...
haiss i'll mis u so so so much u know
i'll make use of what time i hv left to pei u
i love u baby. always <3

perhaps it was all meant to be.

=.= PHAIL PHAIL EPIC PHAIL....


Siao already, lots of things man.

Dance camp, Dance night, txy internal camp ( with major screws happening ) zzz

wad is this =.=

Let's cease to fight this tension that ignites us here in the dark.
Cause tension causes friction and this friction leads to sparks.

okay, this is going to sound real crazy and all that but..

next year, me chang kai (and some other ri peeps) are going to be part of..